From The Kennel – A monthly column by a small dog with big ideas
I refer of course to the joyous time of Christmas and New Year, which is about my favourite time of year.
This is because of the mind-boggling amount of food that is purchased by my Main Keeper. I find this especially puzzling because she is normally so mean with food.
And when I say mean, I mean mean – she is constantly digging around in the supermarket bargain buckets for food on its date, and recently bought several packets of butter that were past their best, but continued to be consumed weeks past their date.
Now ‘use by’ dates are completely baffling to us dogs. To us they are totally pointless. If we want to know if a food is edible or not, we just use our noses. If it smells like a rancid sock, so much the better. If it smells like plastic it probably is, and should be left alone, otherwise is it totally edible.
I often get given delicious pieces of meat which are perfectly okay but which they deem inedible just because of the date on the packet. This is because my MK is too mean even to throw it away, but this benefits me.
And at this time of year it is astounding how much food comes my way. For a couple of short but glorious weeks in winter, she abandons all caution, financial or otherwise, and stocks the larder with enough food to feed a family of ten – and we are just three, or four including me.
This means that I am constantly given every kind of titbit of delectable stuff which I would never normally get anywhere near. Not only do my Keepers suddenly become hyper-generous, but we usually get a larger than normal number of visitors.
Now visitors are a rich source of titbits for dogs. For one thing they always fall for our cute look, which my MK long ago outgrew. But it still works with visitors, and they just can’t resist indulging us.
Another useful trait of visitors is that they provide distraction for the Keepers, so we can nip in and steal something from the table while they are otherwise engaged. Unless you are unlucky enough to get caught in the actual act, they just assume the guests have eaten it, and you’re off the hook.
A word of caution though, fellow canines – there is in fact something called too much of a good thing. Our tummies are different to theirs and too much processed food – pastry and the like – can give you a bad case of doggy indigestion – believe me, I know!
Anyway, happy feasting to all my readers!