I had an accident recently. Somebody reversed into my car as I was waiting to pull out into traffic.
You know what it’s like – I could see it coming, as if in slow motion, but there was nothing I could do to prevent it.
Fair play, the other driver held up his hand, and then I had to wait for the insurers.
So I sighed every morning as I looked at the disfigured wing until, only a mere six weeks later, I got the call to bring the car in for repair.
One of the many telephone discussions I had with the companies handling the claim involved sorting out a replacement car while mine was undergoing a facelift.
I said I’d been driving Vauxhalls for 30 years, so a Vauxhall would be nice.
So when this Renault Scenic turned up – not from the garage carrying out the repairs, but from a rental company – my heart really sank.
I spent a few minutes working out where everything was on the dashboard before driving home, somewhat cautiously, I hasten to add.
Not only was everything in a different place, but it was bigger than my car, so I couldn’t put it in the garage overnight.
One advantage though ... when I parked in Bury St Edmunds for the next couple of days, I had no problems spotting it on my return.
Alpheton is one of those fringe areas when it comes to high-speed broadband, although a lot of recent cable work in the village has raised the hopes of some that speeds will soon reach single figures.
But not everyone is so optimistic, and our county and district councillors have been in touch with British Telecom in an attempt to find out where the upgrade will hit, and where it will miss, as we are told that, at best, 95 per cent of the county will fall on the right side of the line.
In response to the query from our councillors, the reply included the wonderful management speak sentence: “I can only get a detailed accurate view from greater granularity of detail.”
As granularity – a perfectly acceptable word, just not one you hear every day – implies minute detail, that’s a sentence which might have had problems on Just A Minute.
I suppose, as BT can’t give us a ballpark figure, improving their knowledge base might ensure, going forward, that we have a win-win situation. Or will some of us still be left out of the loop?
I get regular emails from Tesco Clubcard, usually offering stuff I neither want nor need.
To be fair, the emails also cover offers on food, and throw in the occasional recipe.
The most recent one told us what ingredients are needed, and how to prepare “vegetable lasange”.
On the subject of food ... a story in a national newspaper recently about the reissue of a recipe book from the 1970s said it had “a hint of flaired trousers”.
With the correct spelling, that phrase might have been a contender for one of Private Eye’s regular columns.