These days most companies have websites and it's quick and easy to fill in online forms for Babergh District Council and Anglian Water. But the wooden spoon for transferring services definitely goes to BT, whose website just gives you a telephone number to call. Clearly a telecommunications company on the cutting edge.

It begins with the usual automated message. I press option two for moving house. Then option one for moving house, then two, then one again. It rings for a bit before I am put through to an operator.

Me: "Hello, I'm moving house."
Operator: "Oh. Well I'll have to put you through to our home movers department."
All that button pressing and I still haven't made it to the correct department. I am put on hold.

After 15 minutes boyfriend tells me dinner is ready. I give up and try ringing again later. After a while I am put through.
Me: "Hello."
Sound of background chatter.
"Hello?"
Sound of computer being turned off, complete with Microsoft Windows shutdown jingle.
"Hello?"
Distant calls of: "Bye Jeff! See you tomorrow Carol!"
"Hello? Hello?"

I hang up and go for third time lucky. After going through the options there is a recorded message. "We are extremely busy at the moment." It suggests calling between 8pm and 10pm when the lines are quieter.
At 8.30pm I give it another go. I press all the options and wait to be put through to the wrong department. But no! It is another recorded message. "I'm sorry. This department is now closed."

My reaction cannot be printed in a family newspaper.

I decide to try in office hours. I know my options off by heart, and soon go through to the wrong department.
"I'll have to put you through to home movers."
A few rings and it is answered by an operator. In the home movers department. I can barely contain my excitement. First question is, when are we moving?
"Saturday, May the …" I hear an alarm going off, followed by a Tannoy announcement.
"An emergency situation has arisen. Please leave by the nearest exit."
Me: "Hello?"
"An emergency situation has arisen…" I hang up.

When I do eventually manage to talk to someone I am told it will cost £125 to reconnect the line. So a shambles and in my opinion, a rip-off.