"IS there a cat stuck in tree?" "Has Mrs Miggins locked herself out of the house again?" These and other hilarious e-mails often land in my in-box sent from journalist friends in London, Portsmouth, Sunderland, who perceive our pleasant towns and villages in the soft folds of the Suffolk landscape as…well, soft.
One reporter was wondering what to do with the 1,000 people listed as members of the BNP who live in his London borough and then sent it to me rather tongue-in-cheek.
It got me thinking about the ten months I've reported for the Free Press.
We
may not have the rates of murders, rapes or horrific cases of children being tortured and killed by their parents - even from a reporters perspective this can only be a good thing.
What I have found is a great deal of anger; maybe passion would best describe it. I've arrived at numerous public meetings on proposals to relocate aircraft flight stacks above Lavenham, to build quarries in Chilton or Tesco's in Hadleigh. Expecting a handful but finding hundreds of often very angry people.
I've seen hundreds march through Sudbury in support of Belle Vue Park and I've lost count of the number of times another outraged visitor to our town has come into the office swearing that they will never visit again after discovering they owe Babergh £15 for parking in Sudbury.
If you took the same percentage of the population in London or Manchester it would equal tens-of-thousands of people marching or crammed into public buildings, filing into newspaper offices … don't upset the middle classes that's when things can really go bad.
I think Howard Jacobson summed it up last weekend when he said: "This much we know: that the people are at all times just a whisper away from voting in a dictator, a tyrant, a popinjay, or a hockey mum."
There's nothing to worry about here, of course. History tells us that dictatorships and Facism only ever raise their ugly heads when economies are crumbling, currencies are in free-fall and unemployment is on the rise … hang on a minute!
In case you were wondering of the 12,000 listed as members of the BNP – four live in Sudbury and two in Long Melford. And when your mother's maiden name is Tobervich and your grandfather fought pitched battles with Mosley's blackshirts in the 30s you tend to get a little nervous about these things.